Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
