who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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