You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
