looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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