I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
