Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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