is your mom at the bar?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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