she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
