oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
