What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
