if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
