I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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