the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
