Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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