this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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