Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
