So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
