Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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