maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
