I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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