somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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