So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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