Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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