she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
this just has baby written all over it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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