Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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