Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
