What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
