I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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