Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm passing your future prison.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
