that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
