Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
