it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
