somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just sent this text using only my big toe
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
