I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
