The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
