Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
