I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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