you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
