I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
