After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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