Dual....:-)
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Randomize
