how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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