we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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