I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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