and you said cock pushups were impossible
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
