Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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