So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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