Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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