she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
