he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
